A Black Heart
by Alana-Lou
Summary: A contradiction in terms? What actually goes on in the notorious mind of Sirius Black? How does it feel to be outcast, not from society, but from your own flesh and blood? Open your heart, and open your mind.


**A/N: This is a kind of ...well very badly writing in my opinion, short ...thing on Sirius and his issues with his mother etc. I dont know if its overly quoted or makes much sense to anyone other than me so please read and review and i'll love you forever!... Well... mayb you'll get a virtual cookie or something. (and by that i mean of the biscuity kinda, not a virus or sumthing odd like that, but neway...)**

**Disclaimery thingy mabob: Well as much as i would love to be the richest woman in the country and have an imagination to match, im afraid i dont, and if i did you can be assured that i wouldnt be writing fanfics... sigh**

A Black Heart

The curtains around the four post bed hung solemnly shut, enclosing the occupant within the darkness trying hopelessly to block out the rest of the world as he drifted in to uneasy sleep.

Light snores could be heard from around the room as tears rolled silently from his eyes.

"Bravery exists only in consciousness, during dreams, you are alone."

All Sirius had ever wanted was to be loved. Not in the way that so many around the castle would be only too obliging to give, but in the way that they all had. They all took for granted.

They had a family. Sirius had a family, or at least _physically _he had a family. He had cousins, sisters a mother if lacking in an actually father figure, but these were only official status's.

"You cannot fool your heart, only your mind."

He had never sought to be pitied, in fact he went out of his way to cause trouble, create a suave image, to be the best without appearing to exert himself. In a way he wanted to be envied . Not because he wanted to be better than anyone else, but so that he could say, look at who I am. In relation to his _'family,'_ look at what _I_ have become, _I_ am proud.

"Without a family, man, alone in the world, trembles with the cold." – Andre Maurois

As his tears reached the pillow, they melted in to the soft feathers surrounding his cheeks, merging with the dreams he had tried to suppress for so long.

He couldn't remember the last time he had lived with his mother. A woman with morals of only great self-satisfaction. She had never wanted her children to grow in either intelligence or understanding further than she had done and consequently learn the truth from others.

"The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life." – Richard Bach

Subconsciously, Sirius turned to his right, smiling weakly as he remembered his friends, namely James, whom having taken him in, had created more of a home than he could ever have imagined.

They were now brothers, and no amount of genealogy could change that.

"Rarely do members of the same family grow up under the same roof." – Richard Bach

Within the safety of his heavenly bed, within the presence of his friends, his brothers, within the security of the Griffindor tower, the castle and the rebellion of his own emotion, Sirius had emerged from the ashes of the Black family crest and had been vaporised from everything that he used to think was all he had.

"A family's photograph album is generally about the extended family and, often, is all that remains of it." – Susan Sontaq

As the sun rose, shining through the glass, reflecting through the curtains and on to the faces of his dorm, Sirius emerged restless, bounding on to the feet of his brother and causing him to scream in pain.

James rolled his eyes cautiously, aware that the sunlight was streaming into the room. Sirius's cheeks glistened momentarily, the only trace of what he endured within his sleep, last and every night.

"Have friends. 'Tis a second existence."

- Baltasar Gracian

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**Sooo? Tell me what you think! pretty pretty please with a cherry on top! Thanx so much, and btw tell me if it is worthy of maybe a second chapter...**

**Thanx anyway, RR!**

**Alana**

**xxx**


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